CHRISTMAS CATCHUP.

another year, another visit to santa.

 another year, another visit to the nutcracker ballet! this time we went with our friends, the dichsens.

christmas had the potential to really suck this year, but it really was fine. mom and red came to us this year, which was a huge help. we got to do our Christmas with them at our house, and they got to see hallie in henry in the church christmas program - it was such a great weekend.

 

 

 

and i was soooo glad that Christmas program was over. i was stressed beyond belief, but it turned out so cute. the kids in our church are hilarious, and there were some spectacular performances. king herod's death scene was pretty incredible. hallie was superb as a narrator and henry was a fabulous chicken.

 

we went to church on christmas eve and then to Lucille's for dinner and gifts. it was hard, but manageable, and i think there was only one, tiny breakdown. gifts at barb's afterward was harder, but i think it will get easier over time. just being together is so important.

 

christmas morning was spent at home with my little family. normal breakfast of biscuits and gravy, eggs and...was that it? barb and lucille stopped by to check out the loot and then we headed for st. Louis for christmas with the chronister fam.

 

this was the first year at phil and kath's and i have to say...i missed being at dad's! they were wonderful hosts, and it was nice to not have to drive as far, but it just isn't the same as doing it at the farm.

 

we had tickets to see the trans siberian orchestra while we were in st. louis, so dave and i had a nice date the day after christmas while dad watched the kiddos at bev's house.

 

then it was off to home, and we had the rest of the weekend to hang out and get the house cleaned up before work.

 

it was such a nice, long break.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIKE!

friday would have been mike's 60th birthday. it was a hard day, but was a fun night. it got pretty stupid there at the end, which he would have loved.

 

his son especially, he would have gotten a kick out. actually, both of his kids were in rare form. it was hilarious. HILARIOUS.

 

driving dave home was the opposite of hilarious. but that's not a story for this blog.

 

he played drums with madd hoss, and did a beautiful job.

 

 and guitar too? with lots of crazy feedback at the end. such a rockstar.

 

and then he played drums with Kentucky Headhunters. and some air guitar too. and commandeered the microphone quite a bit.

 

 

and we enjoyed good, good friends and family who came out to celebrate mike's birthday.

 

he was missed. he should have been on stage playing guitar and laughing at dave. he should have done the talk box weird thing on rocky mountain way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

they brought us all out on stage, mason sound guys and family and dave was supposed to say something appropriately sad and poignant....but that's not how dave rolls.

 

 

 

and anyway, it was a great night.

the end.

BURGOO SCHMURGOO.

i don't have any normal pictures of the burgoo. i stole these from Melissa.

i was the one taking the pictures, hence, i didn't make it into any pictures of the grand marshalling. but i was there. promise.

 

 

 

so yes, we were grand marshalls of the arenzville burgoo 175th anniversary parade. in honor of mike. it was pretty amazing.

 

and that night john michael montgomery played and we got to have a little private meet and greet which was fun and then watched the show. they dedicated a song to mike and i may or may not have sobbed.

there was one part in the song where he is talking about getting a letter from his dad (the son is in the army), and how his dad writes about being so proud of his son and how he never said that before and i just...lost it. many tears. and kirk, their front of house guy, turned around and gave dave a very meaningful fist pump.

 

whew.

 

it was emotional.

 

 

 

and then i took hallie home and went back to ajs where dave got to play some drums with the band. which is always fun to watch. he's so good :)

 

the end.

 

 

 

I'M NOT SURE WHERE I LEFT OFF.

this has been a really sad weekend.

 

i think reality is sinking in. he's really dead, not returning. I'm so sad for barb. i'm sad for dave and melissa too, but man, i am so so sad for barb.

 

these were the two songs we played at the funeral. the first, 'abide with thee' was chosen by lucille. this was the hymn she wanted. however, the version the funeral home had was warbling and ....just not mike. so, we found this version and it was perfect. simple with some steel guitar. just, perfect.

 

 

the second was chris tomlin's 'amazing grace, my chains are gone.' such a pretty song.

the mason sound guys were honorary pallbearers and all wore their mason shirts. henry laid on the floor and stared up at mike. so many people came and stayed for the committal at the cemetery. it was a blazing hot day, and all of those guys in black shirts, i can only imagine.

 

mike was buried at arcadia cemetery, a beautiful, peaceful community cemetery. the funeral procession made its way out of town and the route was such that mike was able to go by his home once more. we had a semi parked in front of the house and the neighbor blew the horn as we drove by. dave, melissa and lucille rode with barb in mike's black dodge, which chad and i and the (antsy) kids drove in their durango. i'm glad i wasn't with barb. i would have lost it driving by that house.

 

the pallbearers drove the fly-by-night, mason tour bus to the cemetery, and it made quite a statement. but so perfect.

 

the casket spray was white roses. we are having jewelry made from it. it was beautiful.

 

we had a hard time leaving the cemetery.

 

 

A FRESH WEEK. AND A FEW MEMORIES OF THE VISITATION.

this week is better. much better. we had a good weekend. we're pulling through. dave is still swamped, but seems less overwhelmed. we're figuring out normal.

 

a few things i don't want to forget:

 

*picking out a casket - this was nuts. we had to pick out a casket. and a grave liner and things that you don't want to do when you are grieving from a very unexpected loss. the entire time, there's this feeling of, is this for real? are we really doing this? picking out a casket spray for MIKE'S casket? i look back now and i still can't believe that it happened. it still doesn't feel real. we picked out a gunmetal gray that had chrome on it that reminded us of the semi. we wanted black, but they didn't have the one that we wanted.

 

*as sick as it sounds, everything was perfect. so many people worked behind the scenes for us, taking care of a million details that made the visitation and funeral "how mike would have wanted it." whatever. that sounds ridiculous.

 

*we wore mason sound shirts and jeans at the funeral. of course we did. it was perfect.

 

*dave set up a speaker on a stand (pickle on a stick!) outside so people waiting had something the listen to. good thing because the line was insane.

 

*we stood for nine hours at the visitation. dave, lucille and barb didn't leave the line a single time. the last person went thru line at 11:15pm.

 

*the amount of flowers was overwhelming. and now, so are the thank you notes (haha). we had four arrangements from eric church's bunch, some from 38 special, john michael montgomery, Kentucky headhunters, confederate railroad, justin moore, etc. i mean, tons.

 

*the rough old sound guys cried the most.

 

*kentucky headhunters came through the visitation. well, they cut in front of a ton of people, but that was okay.

 

*so did leroy vandyke...but he waited in the four hour line.

 

*we had mike's guitar set up at the head of the casket. henry was obsessed and kept playing it while it sat on the stand. every so often he would back up and say, "papa!" and point. so emotional.

 

*people came from all over. i can't begin to thank everyone who came and waited through the line. and thank you to everyone who came and couldn't wait. we totally understand. it was crazy and an amazing testament to the sheer amount of people who mike impacted.

 

there's so much more. i can't even begin to get it all out.

TODAY. TWO WEEKS LATER.

today i came to work for the first time in two weeks.

 

i worked out for the first time in two weeks and have eaten healthier today than i have...in two weeks. i was supposed to feel better about being back in a routine, but instead i feel like i don't belong in this world right now. my mental capacity is about at the max. my stress level is high and i'm just so damn SAD. i'm sad for dave, i'm sad for melissa, i'm sad for barb and lucille. i'm mourning our easy, normal life. because it's anything but normal anymore.

 

life goes on, i suppose, but right now we are living in a bubble of sadness and fear of the unknown. 

 

our family sunday lunches are now filled with piles of thank you notes and much-needed yard work at barb's.

 

our evenings are now full of mason sound phone calls, texts, decisions and more decisions, and trying to stay on top of this bloody master's class.

 

our pillow talk is now all about the shock and the sadness...and more mason sound.

 

we are overwhelmed, but we're getting there.

 

last night after shipping hallie off to camp for three nights (sob), henry and i walked down the lane, picking up gravel and throwing pieces in the pond. dave and i sat on the front porch swing and watched him mow the grass. it was a beautiful night.

 

it had all the markings of a normal night. but dangit, it wasn't. we're consumed with mason sound and just picking up the pieces. and we'll be doing this for awhile yet. and i hate it.

 

we miss him so much. i can't forget this experience, and i don't want to. it's still such a shock that i have to reply the last two weeks to remind myself that he truly is gone. not coming back. this is the new normal, for now.

 

the only silver lining is how this family has bonded together. dave and i have never been closer and i appreciate melissa and chad more than ever. barb is still our rock, whether she knows it or not, and i'm blessed to have them all in my life, and blessed for having the opportunity to know mike for the time that i did.

 

i want to write more about the love and support from outside of the family too. overwhelming, completely.