Monday, June 30, 2014


today i came to work for the first time in two weeks.
i worked out for the first time in two weeks and have eaten healthier today than i two weeks. i was supposed to feel better about being back in a routine, but instead i feel like i don't belong in this world right now. my mental capacity is about at the max. my stress level is high and i'm just so damn SAD. i'm sad for dave, i'm sad for melissa, i'm sad for barb and lucille. i'm mourning our easy, normal life. because it's anything but normal anymore.
life goes on, i suppose, but right now we are living in a bubble of sadness and fear of the unknown. 
our family sunday lunches are now filled with piles of thank you notes and much-needed yard work at barb's.
our evenings are now full of mason sound phone calls, texts, decisions and more decisions, and trying to stay on top of this bloody master's class.
our pillow talk is now all about the shock and the sadness...and more mason sound.
we are overwhelmed, but we're getting there.
last night after shipping hallie off to camp for three nights (sob), henry and i walked down the lane, picking up gravel and throwing pieces in the pond. dave and i sat on the front porch swing and watched him mow the grass. it was a beautiful night.
it had all the markings of a normal night. but dangit, it wasn't. we're consumed with mason sound and just picking up the pieces. and we'll be doing this for awhile yet. and i hate it.
we miss him so much. i can't forget this experience, and i don't want to. it's still such a shock that i have to reply the last two weeks to remind myself that he truly is gone. not coming back. this is the new normal, for now.
the only silver lining is how this family has bonded together. dave and i have never been closer and i appreciate melissa and chad more than ever. barb is still our rock, whether she knows it or not, and i'm blessed to have them all in my life, and blessed for having the opportunity to know mike for the time that i did.
i want to write more about the love and support from outside of the family too. overwhelming, completely.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014


this just sent by irma, the babysitter. caption: having fun!!!!
(clay, joe, hallie, Addison)

Monday, June 9, 2014


well, it happened. henry turned three. i mean, i tried to keep him from growing up, but it's just not possible anymore.
i sure do love this boy. we celebrated his birthday tuesday  night before dave had to leave for the week with a small family party.
i have video of us singing him happy birthday, but it's at home, dang. it was so sweet. he wasn't sure why people were singing 'happy birthday' at first, but when he figured out it was for him...he just smiled so sweetly. his lemon birthday cake had wallykazam figurines on it (his favorite!), but of course i don't have any pictures. dang.
it was just a nice, slow, quiet party. the best kind :)
yesterday, he officially turned three. he got a donut cake for breakfast with a candle, and i sang him happy birthday, just the two of us, since his sister was still snoozing away.
he got to blow out the candle four times. he was so happy. and then he decided to touch it. not happy.

Thursday, June 5, 2014


dave is gone practically all of june, so we decided to take a mini-family vaca to have some special bonding time before he left. it ended up being one of my favorite trips ever. everything worked out perfectly and we had a fabulous time, just our little family.
we left thursday afternoon to go to a cardinals game. hallie won free tickets from a school fundraiser and it ended up being a beautiful afternoon. dave + hallie are total partners in crime. they just chummed around together while I schlepped around the food and whatnot. and took pictures. i promise i was there.
meanwhile, henry + aunt kathy = BFF forever
and now, ozark pictures!
henry was a total water bug, which shocked me. but he loved it.
 ^^^not a good picture. of any of them.
 ^^^beer in the hand, that's my girl!
the end.


pictures as promised!

actually, BUMMER. apparently I deleted a ton of pictures on accident. this is all i have!

so i will go into more detail with mah wordz.

we headed to st. louis after Mackenzie and Maggie's dance recital and made it there in time to play and just hang out before not getting any sleep that night. apparently henry can't sleep without his crib companions - bear, the other bear, puppy, monkey and elmo - and had a really, really, REALLY hard time sleeping both nights. it was rough.

the next morning we were up and at 'em early, headed to the zoo. we had an absolute blast. it rained on us all morning (cold!), but we hung out in the sting ray exhibit for a looong time, petting sting rays and sharks. we had to pry hallie away.

around nap time, i took henry on the train and he had a nice snooze. we stayed at the zoo for 6 and a half hours and probably could have stayed longer. both kids (and adults) loved it. best day ever.

^^^ the only picture i have. nice.
the next day we went to grant's farm. it was a beauuuutiful day. the animals weren't super cool to look at because, hello, we were at the ZOO the day before. but we had snowcones, got freaked out by the goats and rode the carousel a ton. it was a really good day.

^^^ picture of henry at grandma lucille's house in the puddle, just because.